I took today off for the first time in 3 weeks. After crying in front of the lactation consultant, she told me I had a case of NICUitis and it was time to take a break. I agreed with her. She also told me she would grant me absolution (from guilt) with her magic wand if I decided not to continue with the horrors of breastfeeding. (yes, I do mean ‘horrors’ - that is not a typo.) It was so nice to be away from that place for a day and just spend my day schlepping around the house. Still, tomorrow begins another day of breastfeeding attempts and 4 hour visits to the NICU. I am always anxious to see little Cole, but I approach the environment with trepidation sometimes. Still, I know Cole needs to experience something other than the overstimulating lights, beeping monitors, loud voices and medical procedures of the NICU. I imagine I will be making up for the unnatural environment of the NICU for several months after we bring him home with a big, 24 hour/day dose of attachment parenting. Still, he seems like he’s doing OK, considering the situation. He is gaining weight and catching up to his expected gestational weight at 4 lbs 4 oz yesterday. Everyday is a new milestone for him - I find that each day he is more alert, more interactive and has better muscle tone. Can’t wait to bring him home so we can take naps and walks without the wires, tubes and beeping monitors.
Grandma left 2 days ago, after helping us take care of Anna for 2 weeks. Anna has been really missing her and Grandpa, and showing it in some ways that are stressing me - angry behavior directed at me. I had gotten used to being an absentee mom for a while and just focusing on Cole - now it’s time to be a parent to both children. Not an easy task with the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on. Anna cried for a while yesterday, so hopefully, that relieved some of the stress her 6-year-old self has been under.
Regarding the incision - I am healing so fast! I am really surprized at how quicly I’m recovering from all the complications! I’ll probably have this verticle scar for a while but, who knows, maybe it’ll heal? I regained my pre-pregnancy weight 2 weeks after the surgery much to my surprize. Also, my blood pressure finally started to drop from it’s outrageous 160/100 that seemed to be yet another pregnancy complication. This is such a relief, since I thought I might have high blood pressure forever. Day by day, things are getting back to normal. After some time to ponder the complications that brought about preterm labor: hypertension, placental abruption, placenta previa, 15cm fibroid blocking the birth canal, matured placenta, etc., I am convinced that preterm labor was the only choice for Cole and I. Cole was a happy camper until the day of his birth. He was at the 90th percentile for gestational weight at the time of his birth, despite all the problems. I have wondered what I could have done differently, what the doctor should have done differently (he didn’t tell me about the placenta previa), and all my ponderings come back to this: Cole’s preterm birth was unavoidable and necessary.
Anna finally held little Cole. She was not nervous and seemed very eager to get right in there and be near him. We are all looking forward to holding him at home and not have to worry about all the wires and tubes.
He is putting on 20 grams a day now; as of today he is at 4.1l pounds. He also passed a kidney test and brain scan. We were very worried about his kidney infection found at 5th month. Antibiotics fixed him up and now we can move forward on next hurdles (so far, we do not see any new ones!!!).
We have learned much from the experience. How to take on tragedy, sadness and stress. For Cole, his main goal along was to just breath. So, lets do that!!! Just breath.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I took today off for the first time in 3 weeks. After crying in front of the lactation consultant, she told me I had a case of NICUitis and it was time to take a break. I agreed with her. She also told me she would grant me absolution (from guilt) with her magic wand if I decided not to continue with the horrors of breastfeeding. (yes, I do mean ‘horrors’ - that is not a typo.) It was so nice to be away from that place for a day and just spend my day schlepping around the house. Still, tomorrow begins another day of breastfeeding attempts and 4 hour visits to the NICU. I am always anxious to see little Cole, but I approach the environment with trepidation sometimes. Still, I know Cole needs to experience something other than the overstimulating lights, beeping monitors, loud voices and medical procedures of the NICU. I imagine I will be making up for the unnatural environment of the NICU for several months after we bring him home with a big, 24 hour/day dose of attachment parenting. Still, he seems like he’s doing OK, considering the situation. He is gaining weight and catching up to his expected gestational weight at 4 lbs 4 oz yesterday. Everyday is a new milestone for him - I find that each day he is more alert, more interactive and has better muscle tone. Can’t wait to bring him home so we can take naps and walks without the wires, tubes and beeping monitors.
Grandma left 2 days ago, after helping us take care of Anna for 2 weeks. Anna has been really missing her and Grandpa, and showing it in some ways that are stressing me - angry behavior directed at me. I had gotten used to being an absentee mom for a while and just focusing on Cole - now it’s time to be a parent to both children. Not an easy task with the emotional roller coaster we’ve been on. Anna cried for a while yesterday, so hopefully, that relieved some of the stress her 6-year-old self has been under.
November 21st, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Regarding the incision - I am healing so fast! I am really surprized at how quicly I’m recovering from all the complications! I’ll probably have this verticle scar for a while but, who knows, maybe it’ll heal? I regained my pre-pregnancy weight 2 weeks after the surgery much to my surprize. Also, my blood pressure finally started to drop from it’s outrageous 160/100 that seemed to be yet another pregnancy complication. This is such a relief, since I thought I might have high blood pressure forever. Day by day, things are getting back to normal. After some time to ponder the complications that brought about preterm labor: hypertension, placental abruption, placenta previa, 15cm fibroid blocking the birth canal, matured placenta, etc., I am convinced that preterm labor was the only choice for Cole and I. Cole was a happy camper until the day of his birth. He was at the 90th percentile for gestational weight at the time of his birth, despite all the problems. I have wondered what I could have done differently, what the doctor should have done differently (he didn’t tell me about the placenta previa), and all my ponderings come back to this: Cole’s preterm birth was unavoidable and necessary.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Anna finally held little Cole. She was not nervous and seemed very eager to get right in there and be near him. We are all looking forward to holding him at home and not have to worry about all the wires and tubes.
Anna is amazing. She has a very lucky brother.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Congratulations!
I hope he gets better soon so he can start surfing (or HTML-ing) with daddy!
November 27th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Cole is gaining weight big time!!!
He is putting on 20 grams a day now; as of today he is at 4.1l pounds. He also passed a kidney test and brain scan. We were very worried about his kidney infection found at 5th month. Antibiotics fixed him up and now we can move forward on next hurdles (so far, we do not see any new ones!!!).
We have learned much from the experience. How to take on tragedy, sadness and stress. For Cole, his main goal along was to just breath. So, lets do that!!! Just breath.